Life

I have not posted in this space in 2 years. Life got busy and I stopped writing it down....but lately I have been just wanting an outlet, a place to record, or talk about what has been happening to us.  My boy is still my boy, but he is having a rough time and so is his Mama.

On December 15th 2014 my 8 year old child was shoved into a table and handcuffed by two NYPD officers while attending PS 414, Brooklyn Arbor. This has been traumatic for all of us, but especially for my son.  I am tired this morning and don't feel like writing down the long story, and this is only a sort of public place, but each week seems to bring a new consequence from this event.  When it happened we pulled B out of school immediately, but I was very involved in the school.  I headed up the events committee, I volunteered, I showed up at every event, every PA meeting, every parent teacher conference, his Dad or I volunteered for every single field trip, etc, etc.  As the weather has gotten warmer we have begun to run into other families. I struggle with how to respond to their questions, they only want to know where we went....but what do I tell them? public school is a toxic and dangerous place, and until their is a huge overhaul of the system which concentrates on actual research and best practices instead of a billion dollar curiculim and testing industry; starts remembering that we as a society are responsible not just for reading and writing, but teaching social skills and conflict resolution to our children; stops looking to blame children and starts looking at adults to teach them, it will continue to be so? this seems dramatic, but it is true, and until more parents stop saying it is good enough, what do we expect and start a real revolution in education practices it won't change.

We have also been dealing with the onset of Epilepsy (B) and side effects to medication. On the great front I have a new job that I love! I design little tiny rooms at IKEA. Not only is it my favorite job ever, but it also gives me great health insurance and paid time off, which has made all of what is going on with B doable (along with a GREAT amount of help and support from my family)

Life is what it is, and I believe that this year of struggle will lead to great things.  My son is fantastic and amazing in every way. We are definitely struggling right now, but I wake up every, single morning and look at his face and wouldn't want it any other way.

Sad Love Songs

I think these are the only love songs I believe in...songs of ending and regrets.....my mood lately.

I love this cover of this song....the original U2 album came out when I was 18, enduring my first heartbreak. I have listened to this song again at different times, and as I got older it has said different things to me.  Johnny Cash sings it at the end of his life, and it resonates with all the love, experience, loss and hope life can give.

Love is a difficult thing, a fickle thing, and I think I still don't know what it is.  I think it has nothing to do with romanticism, but the lives we build with others, friendships, brothers, sisters, lovers and what we do with those relationships. We will disappoint and fail, but we love, regardless. It has been years since I have listened to this song...but today it speaks to me, perhaps from the grave of long ago relationships that have taken a little bit of me as they disappeared into the past.

These two

Sometimes life is not as you planned, but no matter what happens I have these two. No matter what the nature of my relationship with my son's father is, we have this smart, charming, beautiful little being in our lives, and we are in it together.....and this boy loves his father.

Poop jokes

I am walking along with the boy who is just spouting poop jokes and was reminded of a time we were with BFF a few summers ago in Central Park. The boys were 4...
Bowie: Hey M....
M : What?
Bowie: poop!
Hysterical laughter from the boys for the next several minutes, like roll on the ground, tears streaming from their eyes laughter.
Breathless from the laughter, M hits Bowie on the arm and says "good one Bowie"

Just didn't want to forget that.

Home Sweet Brooklyn expands

I'm excited to announce the opening of my Etsy shop, Home Sweet City. Mostly I am excited because I sat down and accomplished something (that was really quite easy) that I have been talking about for a long time.

I often find that I am an idea person , but not so much a get it done person, so here is to getting it done. The shop (well if I sell anything) hopefully takes me out of hoarder territory and into shop owner territory. I have a longer term business plan that the shop is part of, but baby steps first :)

The Hunt is on!

B is enjoying the Easter loot from Grandparents and the Easter Bunny, but we still can't find the last egg that nefarious bunny hid!

Easter eggs

Having a nice afternoon making eggs with the boy and his papa and our new egg spinner.

Ode to BFF

These two boys melt my heart.  BFF's mother is my best friend from college.  I remember being in my 20s and sitting around and discussing our plans to raise our children together.  I couldn't ask for more than that dream to have come true.  These 2 boys love each other so much, they have long discussions holding hands and walking together, they make up elaborate games and write little dramas together.

My fondest wish is that they are always this for each other, even as they grow into teen-agers and men and have children of their own.  I know that my life is so much richer for BFF's mother, and I can't imagine anything more valuable for my own son than to benefit from such a deep and abiding friendship.

Statistical Improbabilities

B's Dad is teaching him to play poker. They both drew two cards and these were their hands.

Snow! In March!

One of the most vivid memories I have is of it snowing several feet on my fourth birthday. It was so unusual for it to snow by March 1, my mother had made me a light blue seersucker dress and I had brand new white Mary Janes. I flat out refused to wear anything else, even a coat, so my dad bundled me up in his and carried me everywhere that day.

No predicting anything about the weather these days (thanks global warming) but the snow filled me with wonder this morning. Now, if only NYC DOE were a little more liberal with their snow days.....

Cat meets Boy

My almost 14 year old cat has basically been in a stand off with my son since the day I brought his wee infant self home. They have found ways to coexist though. For example, my son has made up an elaborate game and set it up on her favorite chair, rather than knock it off she has carefully settled in.

Valentine leftovers

There are some crafty mamas at B's school and they set up an awesome valentines day event for the kids. This is the leftovers of 200 kids crafting.

Valentines Prep

Just finished the sweet/looooooong task of making valentines for everyone in b's class. I was surprised, he got really into it and didn't complain even once about all the writing he had to do....and he gave everyone a personal drawing.

We are only in bed 20 minutes late....but skipped homework. Oh well, probably got more out of making valentines then he did out of a worksheet :)

Museum of the Moving image

Went to see the video game show, really cool! B is still getting over strep throat, but nothing like a sweet BFF rubbing your back and a great BFF little bro who keeps you company when you lay down on a bench to make you feel better.

Luckiest Boy in the World wins giant Christmas Stocking!

We have a new little market, Freddy's, across the street.  I have to say, though they are on the to pricey side, the huge assortment of organic and healthy food and ease of dashing not even a block away has made life easier.

For the holidays they held a drawing for this giant stocking.  B went in everyday asking when they would be giving it away.  Finally, the 23rd came, and low and behold he WON! You have never seen a more delighted kid.  Look at that thing! It is taller than him!

Christmas came early for the kid.  Thanks new grocery store!

School Design May Affect Child's Grades

A new study in the UK says just that.  My background and obsession with design says that environment and design affects everything.  I mean look at product packaging.  Why do companies spend so much money figuring out what package will get our attention, and then stores spend even more money figuring out how to layout and optimize sales for that packaging...why wouldn't we expect children to be affected by their school layouts and design?

Waldorf, Reggio, and Montessori all have design built into part of their philosophy.  They are all different, but they all stress natural materials.  These systems have proven effective for about 100 years now, and I think more attention should be paid to why!

Final rant on subject:  fluorescent lighting, cheap, economical, bad for the eyes, the flicker is headache inducing and if the bulb breaks the stuff inside is poisonous.  I want to study the effects this type of lighting has on the millions of children subjected to it's blaring brightness everyday.

Past, Present, & Future

I haven't written in this space in over 6 months, I even missed writing a birthday letter to my beautiful six year old boy.  That's him, of course, on his sixth birthday (which also was his first day of first grade this year)  Gorgeous thing, isn't he?  Smart and funny too.  I have a hard time being a mama these past few months.  I have not loved my boy less, but I have been struggling to find my way, with work and life, and balance.  B sometimes shows me a path, and sometimes I stumble on it.  We are getting there.

I came here today, because I wanted to remember something....B is learning about past present and future at school and he had to draw a self-portrait of each period of time.  This is how he described his portrait:

For past I drew me in your tummy, and for now I drew me writing (laughs) because i was writing, and for future I drew me as a ninja (acompanied by ninja pose)   (Pensive silence)  Evil is coming someday.  (longer silence)  I just hope it doesn't come before I am a ninja.

:-( LOL

via imgur

Gold Flatware

For the first several years of our lives my sister and I were the only grandchildren.  This was a situation that came with many perks....heaps and heaps of presents for Christmas; multiple easter baskets with giant chocolate rabbits; Saturday nights spent with my Grandma Brown at the bingo hall, being tucked into my own cozy twin bed at her house; and countless hours of enthrallment as my Grandma Reifsteck taught us about makeup and style and being a lady at her special dressing table; but one of the biggest perks was being included at the grown-up table for holiday dinners (a privilege which I fear I will never regain as the cousins have become numerous, and we all seem to be having our own children...making the idea of all being at one table very improbable!)  My Grandmother Reifsteck had a special set of gold flatware, she only had a few place settings, but my sister and I coveted them.  We would beg her to show them to us when we would come over and she would open the special drawer they were stored in, and take out the special felt bag they were wrapped in and unfurl it to reveal the sparkling fairy beauty of those special utensils.  We were never allowed to touch them, but then....then at holiday dinners my sister and I would arrive and find our places amongst the Aunts and Uncles because the gold flatware was just at ours, and joy of joys, not only did we get to touch them, but we got to eat with them!

This Almaco Gold Flatware is a beautiful modern take on the traditional set I loved.